such post. The following words are carrying strength and will for
accepting some inevitable facts in life, even when we are feeling burned
out and like the whole world has fallen down in front of us.
This
post indirectly is about conflicts. A few days ago I was holding a
lecture about conflict to students, and I was talking about how
conflicts can be functional. They can be used for a progression in life,
for new knowledge and skills, for improving of a personality and
behaviour. And exactly that day I experienced the peak of one prolonged
conflict in my private life at the end of which I felt like all my
capacities were used, as the possibilities to do something concerning
this conflict. And then I wondered: “how to use this conflict for a
better future, when I`m feeling like I don`t have anywhere to go with
it?”.
When it`s about conflicts, usually the only
acceptable solution that we see about it is cooperation or at least
compromise. In my situation I was feeling as if I was streaming exactly
towards that, and that I had used all my capacities to reach some
acceptable solution. However, I didn`t manage to reach it!
reach the cooperation in conflict, you need both sides for that.
Sometimes really only one side is right, and the other one is not seeing
things clearly. Sometimes both sides are right, but they don`t want to
sacrifice something of theirs. For me this was not the first time in
life that I felt that a big injustice was done to me, and that it wasn`t
appreciated all the things I had done even though I had tried
everything, and still wasn`t given the understanding, but got only the
accusations. After much effort and trying to show the other side that
they are not right concerning some things, I was just lightened with
that eureka lamps and I told myself: It`s not worth it! It`s simply not
worth it! I can stand on my head if I want to, but the other side will
still think that they`re right.As a psychologist this
kind of conclusion didn`t suit me, because I think that there`s always
some kind of solution. Yes, there is a solution in this situation also.
And that is to accept that we don`t understand each other and to move
on. Of course, there can always be a solution to go separate ways, but
when it`s about a person with whom we have or want to move on, sometimes
the only solution is exactly that – to move one, and leave the
injustice and bad feelings behind you.
It`s not easy.
Often all those bad emotions are coming back. Sometimes they just touch
you, sometimes they come back as a boomerang. Because, for leaving it
behind you also need both sides. However, there are no guarantees.
I
still feel some kind of bitterness towards the previous events, but I`m
feeling much better. When I realised that I`ve done everything I could.
When I realised that it`s just NOT WORTH IT!
Moje ime je Aleksandra. Ja sam majka i žena, psiholog i freelance pisac. Često mislim da nešto može bolje i lepše. Osim kada odlučim da uživam u trenutku baš onakvom kakav jeste. Jer, život je onakav kakvim ga mi napravimo!
Daaaa, bravo….dosta sam tragala za tim rešenjem i nisam uspevala da prihvatim da postoji. A postoji i tako je….nema uvek pobede i zadovoljstva….nekada ima naprosto prihvatanja neminovnosti. Mene je to na neki čudan način umirilo (ne bez malo početne gorčine, naravno. Mada i dalje do iznemoglosti tragam za boljim rešenjem, nekim koje bi izmenilo stvari….ali ovo pruža sigurnost.Ponekad stvari moramo prihvatiti takvim kakve su i samo se postaviti u odnosu na to.
Naravno da i dalje ponekad tragas za boljim resenjem. To nam je struka 🙂
hahaha, pravo kažeš…dođe mu to kao profesionalna deformacija 😉 Ako ako, neka tragamo 😀
Odličan post! Baš mi je sjeo! 🙂
Nekako me previše muče stvari na koje ne mogu više utjecati, stvari koje, kako si i ti rekla, nisu vrijedne vremena niti muke. Let it go.
Tako je, draga. Ne mozemo protiv vetrenjaca!
Ja sam na faxu slušala Upravljanje konfliktima i to mi je bio fantastičan kolegij. Teme su bile tekuće, predavanja su bila interativna, tako da su se vodile žustre rasprave, skoro svaki tjedan smo imali i nekakve vježbe ili psihotestove (valjda da vidi s kim ima posla). Prof nas je cijeli semestar promatrala na predavanjima, seminarima i sl i pismeni ispit je postavila tako da je formirala naoko nasumične grupe studenata, a u stvari ljude koji imaju sasvim suprotne stavove o temama koje smo prethodno raspravljali, kao i ljude kojima je sve bilo svejedno (a takvih ima isto dosta). zadatak je bio da se čitava grupa usuglasi oko odgovora na ispitna pitanja. svega je tu bilo haha, njoj je to bilo više nego zabavno. inače je to jedna od najfora osoba koje poznam, forenzički psiholog kojoj smo mi bili mačji kašalj ;))
Jaoj, bas divno zvuci. Imala sam ja jednog takvog profesora, ali u okviru jedne edukacije. Radio je sa Eskimima i na pomirenju Iraca i Britanaca – mozes zamisliti koje je to iskustvo!
Znam taj osecaj, tu gorcinu. Nije lako prihvatiti nepravdu. A time si uspela I izasla jaca. Svaka cast ! 🙂
Zivot!
Meni je teško odustati od nekoga/nečega, ali neke bitke jednostvano ne treba boriti. To me je naučio život. Osobito ako inicijativa za rješenjem dolazi samo s jedne strane.
Bas tako!
Ne vredi, samo pustiš, neka budu srećni u svojim zabludama.
Ti ideš dalje…
Jedino tako, ako zelim da povratim svoj mir!
Ah, potpuno te razumem i isina je to sto si rekla-Ponekad je zaista jedna strana u pravu, ali druga to ne vidi. Ponekad su obe u pravu, ali ne žele da žrtvuju bilo šta od svoga.
A istina je i da je nekad resenje da obe strane predju preko toga i jednsotavno nastave dalje.
Samo, bas je tesko 🙂